i realized, i've got so much i want to learn.
and it's after you left me.
not the best girl for you eh?
you good, then i'll show you.
i will make you regret that you ever ditched me.
i will make your life full of guilt.
i will hurt you with my words, like you did to me.
i've had enough.
the Ng Lee Ming i used to know is dead.
you are just another douchebag that doesn't keep your promises.
and i hate you.
yes, i'll hate you like i used to.

go on, go like those dancer girls.
like nothing happened.
they are beautiful. 
and i'm not beautiful at all.
you are blind to even have loved me, right?

things to learn:
1. Gundam modification, and i will triumph over you, you just wait and see.
2. Shamisen, damn i'm gonna learn it and of course play it better than you.
3. Guitar, i will eventually make covers and gain more views than you.
4. Taiko, this one, i will have to train, no matter what.
5. Flute, i just.. like this instrument.
6. Piano, that's for myself, and i'm so gonna make you jealous that i can play Guren.

there are more, just that, these are the few that i rlly want to learn.
you've incurred my wrath.
and for that, you've got a price to pay.
pay back all my wasted tears, douche.

-12:05pm-

everytime i think back to the first day we fell in love.. i would cry.
i really love you so much that it's just so so painful now.
the thought of you possibly having another girlf in a few yr's time..
it just shatters my entire heart.
my heart is beyond savage.
even if i am a cat with nine lives, you have killed me nine times.
no, more than that.
i've died over and over to be able to stand up again.
now.. the time we spent tgt.. it all felt like a dream.
as if.. nothing has happened between us at all.
what lies.
if you ever loved me.. none of this would happen.
you would not let go.
if you accept every of my flaw, you would have love me regardlessly.
and not constantly telling me to change.
if you loved me, you would be willing to wait..
even if it takes forever for me to change.
i am who i am, even if i change, i need time to adapt.
but you gave up before i could make changes to my quiet character.


all this while.. you've lied to me.
all this while, it had been a nice dream.
and now, i woke up to a nightmare.
i love you so much that i hate you.
heartbreaker.

-6:28pm-

i'm really sad.
really very sad.
i wished i really am dead now.
why are you so hard to let go?
i really miss you very much.
God, if you can hear me, please bring him back to me.
a single day is just unbearable when he isn't here.

-12:52pm-

I just want us to remain close to another, no matter how far apart we are;

i just couldn't bear to see brother upset.
and so, i lied.
sorry, i shouldn't have.
but, it's a must.
as for Lee Ming.. i texted him.
i really want to see his face.
i want to see his smile, his eyes, his lips..
i'm still sad, and i'm still a dead corpse.
i still couldn't stand up.
but i have to.
bcus he already doesn't care shit about me anymore.
no use to cry so much over a douchebag.
a douchebag who gave me so much good memories..
so much that it's painful.
sigh.
love is such a complicated thing.
guess.. i can never understand complicated things.
neither can i understand complicated people like him.
fuck Valentine's Day, bullshit.

-12:01pm-

there i was, bleeding slowly.
but you don't even care.
no, you don't.
a dog would care more.
you fucking killed me.
don't you know it fucking hurts?
i cnt take it anymore.
i will go insane anytime.

-11:33pm-

one day has passed.
i didn't pick up brother's call..
neither did i tweet or blog or facebook whatever shit.
i didn't reply his texts as well..
maybe, i'll skip this wednesday's Taiko training.
i'm sorry bro, i had to do this.
i'm already dead, so it's only right if i do that.
i am a corpse.
i've died from waiting for Lee Ming's to talk to me.
if he really wanted to talk to me, he would have.
but, it has been quiet ever since that day.
i see him updating facebook, but not his blog.
no texts, no calls, no shit.
you don't even care do you?
so i see.
not that i'm cursing you or what..
but you'll never find another girl who can bear your ways.
tbh, you are the world's biggest loser.
but the loser i will always love.

-10:41pm-

10 things that are attractive:

1. your muscles.
2. your smile.
3. your sense of coolness.
4. your small sexy eyes.
5. your strong arms and hands.
6. your voice.
7. your guitar/bass skills.
8. your gundam modifying skills.
9. your fashion sense.
10. your everything.

10 confessions:

1. I liked you.
2. I loved you.
3. I still love you.
4. I love you very much.
5. I want you to love me back, again.
6. I cannot let go of you.
7. I will never let go of you.
8. I think of you everyday and every night.
9. I miss you.
10. I want you back.

#peoplewhomatter: you, that's all that matters to me.

-7:42pm-